Thursday, September 23, 2010

Lesbian Sex-Obsessed Smith College

"Smith is a vortex of queer drama."

So, this is what the Smith College girls are up to when they're not busy rioting at Republican Club events, shutting down speeches by the great Ryan Sorba. (See MassResistance, 4-29-08: "Lesbian activists at Smith College riot, shut down Ryan Sorba speech on 'The Born Gay Hoax' as police watch." Exclusive videos here.) He had a message they didn't want to hear, i.e. that their sexual behaviors were choices, not their inborn fates that just had to come out.) We do wonder why the article doesn't mention the "transmen" on campus. 
From the Smith College newspaper:

Sex and the Smithie: A new place, a new you


The Sex and the Smithie column will be written by a different student each week. The article will be printed anonymously if the author wishes. Please e-mail if you are interested in writing a sex column.

The excitement of coming to college can be titillating in more ways than one - if you know what I mean. Are you thinking about sex yet? Classes, clubs, sports and friendships might be great, but for many finding someone with which to share it all ranks high on their list of priorities for college life. Students arriving at Smith for their first year have a high schooler's perception of what college sex is like, and those perceptions can often stray from reality. But never fear, first-years: we're here to help. 

So what do first years think college sex will be like? Hollywood tells us that our fellow co-eds have it, all the time. Forget homework, forget sleep, just chug down that third Pabst Blue Ribbon and get down to business. 

But things at Smith are a little bit different. Things like that hot lesbian threesome going on in the end shower. For one, we don't have guys, driving the heterosexual population to desperation and the queers directly to heaven. But just how different are we?

For starters, there's no Greek life, which means no hypersexualized sorority sisters and testosterone-fueled frat rows. Head down Route Nine for that. Sure we have parties, and guys attend, just in much smaller numbers than at other colleges. But hey, you first-years picked Smith for other reasons. Like an education. 

High school students often think of college both as a place of rampant hookups and as one where they can possibly meet someone who they'll spend the rest of their lives with. Here, Smith might fit the stereotype. Some students will find their significant others here or in the area - and in the meantime, hookups are happening. Everywhere. Straight girls might need to plan ahead, but it's still common. 

Another great difference between Smith and the college stereotype is concern about STDs and pregnancy. Smithies will talk at length about vaginas and UTIs, but you rarely hear the words gonorrhea or abortion outside of a pro-choice context. Maybe we've heard one too many body-conscious lectures, but Smithies seem to be pretty good about avoiding the bad stuff that comes from sex.

Lastly, most Smithies are desensitized to sex: we're not shocked when we talk about it. High school students are uncomfortable when they hear frank discussions about sex, but at Smith openness is the norm. On the flip side, many students do choose to keep things private, and this is respected as well. However, overhearing the girl down the hall from you telling her partner what she plans to do with the extra can of whip cream is more likely. 

Before we leave you, we'd like to offer a short list of tips for all you first-years to help you survive your sexual Smith experience. 

1. Condoms are provided for free in most of the bathrooms around campus. You know what to do with them - and yes, this could mean tube-shaped balloons. 

2. Noise control. Smithies, these houses are old and poorly insulated. Play some music, get some pillows to bite, do what you have to do. 

3. Smith is a vortex of queer drama. Do what you can to fight the madness. 

4. Slow down. Four years is a long time. 

5. Talk to your roommate - beforehand! - and have a signal that you both know to convey that the door needn't be opened. Socks on doorhandles, stars on whiteboards…you get the idea. 

6. House booty is bad booty, almost 69.69 percent of the time. 

7. If you wouldn't do it sober, don't do it. 

8. Toys. Not the kind from Toys-R-Us.

9. Go to an Emily Nagoski lecture, the Wellness Education Director. You'll learn a lot. 

10. Be open to new experiences. Except #6.